Now Playing Tracks

Multiple Roles

Me: “…my daddy does that, too.”
Blair: “Huh? You have a daddy?”
Me: “Yep, and a mommy, too.”
Bair: “…and you’re the kid?”
Me: “Yep.”
Blair: “AND you’re a teacher?”
Me: “Yep.”
Blair: “You’re a teacher kid?!”
Me: “Well, I guess so?”
Blair: “Hahaha! Nooooooo!”

Biology Lessons

Tara: “Wait. You’re telling me female dogs have periods?!”

Me: “Yep.”

Tara: “I mean. What do you even do?”

Me: “Get them spayed or put on a diaper.”

Tara: “They have those?!”

Me: “What? You think there are puppy tampons?!”

Guess Who’s Coming to Town

Preschool class: “We got candy canes!”
Me: “Who came to see you guys today?”
Class: “Santa!”
Allen: “But not the real Santa.”
Me: “I know. He was a Helper Santa.”
Mallory: “Nuh uh. He’s Helga’s dad.”
Me: “I know, but he’s also a Helper Santa.”
Mallory, bending over and shaking her head: “No! He’s. Helga’s. Dad!”
Me: “Yes! You’re right! But he also knows Santa and he helps him!”
Mallory: “…look at my candy cane!”

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